A Dedicated Avoider of Fashion

I’ve been thinking recently that the time has come to buy some new t-shirts.
Actually, I say “thinking”, but I don’t really have any choice.
I’ve got more than one that have holes in them (other than the ones that should be there, you pedants!), and a couple where the threads are coming undone.

Just look:

Full o' holes
Fiendish Thread-y

This is more of an issue than you might think, as my workplace has a casual dress policy. I need these for work. I’d rather not wear anything too interesting though. I don’t want people thinking I support Nike, Adidas, or worse, a football team/footballer/football.
I don’t really want to look like a crazed supporter of anything – which is tricky.

I really hate clothes shopping.
Growing up, my family had no money. The closest I came to wearing the clothes that were deemed cool, were knock-offs from the market.
Even then, I felt uncomfortable, and seemed to catch these trends just as they were going out. If there’s one thing worse than wearing clothes that were NEVER fashionable, it’s wearing ones that were fashionable a month ago, but definitely aren’t anymore.

I read a lot into the logo/design too. I remember once considering a “No Fear” t-shirt, because I liked the logo. Then someone highlighted the fact that I was scared of lots of things. I’m sure he was just being a dick, but I had to agree that I would be clearly mis-selling myself.
Needs must though.
I can’t walk around naked, can I. Can I?
So last week I went to a shop. Peacocks, to give it a name.
I didn’t find much really. I also went to Tesco (it was a couple of doors down), Sainsburys and Matalan (round the corner from Sainsburys).

Yes – although I need clothes, if I can’t get it while buying my normal daily shop, I probably don’t get around to it for a good year or two. Or three.
Being a men’s budget-clothing designer looks like a piece of piss, to be honest. Almost everything fits into one of a few basic categories.

1. Skulls

This just seems a bit horrible.

Are Iron Maiden making a comeback?
Look! A skull! Smoking!

A skull smoking! Cause smoking is like well hard and cool. What am I? 12?

See the back?
Still, no.

What is this all about?

Dave - that's a bit scary - make it a bit more friendly, somehow. Sunglasses, or something.

2. Old Shit That Happened Before I Was Born

Use the design team to make something original, Luke.
Scum? Maybe if it had been Rebel C**t.

Wearing a star wars shirt or something advertising the Beatles (ignoring how much I hate that boring load of hippies), seems completely stupid.

The all-new re-mono-unremastered t-shirt. Now on iTunes.

It all pre-dates me by quite a massive number of years. I might as well go the whole hog and have one that says “my mate died in the Great Fire of London and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”, or a list of Roman “tour” dates of the countries they conquered.

3. Meaningless Alphanumerics

Can’t think of what to put on a T-shirt? Try ABH767-92. No? How about JHB-75JGB_36?

8eS@ 7pH3dRES!spexakE!
Beep! Price check. karu* utu? A#he=eSePr2£!
TUr# trev? kes Petu 9rucruc!!! !!!!!!

What is that about? It looks like the sort of password that your bank insist you set up.

4. Lad/Alcohol/Drugs/Ladywimminz/I-am-a-cock.

For the man who is unashamedly a complete bellend, and just doesn’t care who knows it.

Just how can you wear a shirt like this without looking like a total penis?
This is just awful.
Although this is the one my girlfriend disliked the most:
There is NOTHING sexier than alcohol poisoning. NOTHING!

I thought this was a particularly disappointing drug/alcohol-based one:

You had an amazing weekend. You spent loads on drugs. Those memories will stay with you for....what? You don't remember any of it?

What happened to nice shirts?

Like this with a nice tranquil beach scene. How relaxing:
Yes it looks like a bit of Baywatch memorabilia, but Baywatch was a lot better than the shite on ITV on Saturdays these days.
Or how about this, with a picture of a lizard:
No, I wasn't that keen on advertising Ibiza. I'd have preferred one with JUST the lizard, but they didn't have any. Lizards are pretty cool.

Lizards are everywhere in Ibiza. In logos, and physically EVERYWHERE. Look – there’s one behind you! I’m amazed there isn’t one on their national flag. There is almost certainly one actually ON their flag.

Talking of flags, when England were briefly in the world cup last time, I thought the flags were all a bit gaudy. I mean let’s be honest – decorating everything you own with a union jack flag makes you look like a racist. Or at very least, a misguided tourist.
I pondered making a flag of my own which did not have any relation to football, for my car/house. Maybe it’s time to design my own shirts?

Oh and what did I buy after all this?

One plain black shirt, and one plain very-dark-blue (almost black) shirt. Not a logo, picture or anything in sight. Boring yes, but at least it’s not racist, or sexist, or covered in skulls or cultural references to things I’ve never seen.
In your face, fashion!

One thought on “A Dedicated Avoider of Fashion”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *