According to the BBC, Microsoft has “taken the wraps off” Windows 8. It will be able to run on ARM processors, and it’ll have a kind-of app-store called the “Windows Store”.

But the bit that caught my eye was that their tablet version of Windows 8 will be called “Metro”. What a shit name that is. Aside from being a newspaper, “Metro” surely means a transport network to most people. Which will leave it wide open to travel-related putdowns/comments…

…like these (sorry):

Using Metro? Take the Outlook Express.

Any WiFi problem will presumably be known as a “signal point failure”.

Your system won’t appear to be running slow. It will be suffering from an “unexpected delay”.

If it crashes and it isn’t easily fixable, then I guess it “derailed”.

If you pre-order it a month in advance, it’ll presumably be half the price you would pay if you walked into a shop and attempted to buy it on the day you actually wanted it. To add further confusion, there should be 5 different similar versions to make sure you buy the wrong one, meaning you get asked to pay again to get to the bit you actually want.

And they don’t have Powerpoints on the Metro do they? Unless you’re in first class.

Oh well. I guess with Android, iOS, Blackberry OS, Bada, etc. there was room for another PLATFORM.

Feel free to add your own equally awful (or better) ones below.