After spending 2.5 hours on a job application doing something constructive, I’ve allowed myself to do something silly, like, say – writing a letter to McVitie’s about creating portable digestive breath “mints”.

McVitie’s Consumer Service Department
Freepost Nat4520
Ashby-de-la-Zouche
Leicestershire
LE65 1NZ

Monday 7th December 2009

Dear Sir/Madam,

Yesterday, my girlfriend was enjoying some of your fine digestive biscuits, and dunking some in a cup of tea that she’d brewed in a McVitie’s Digestive mug. (I have enclosed a picture of the mug for reference purposes, but apologise for it being in black and white, as I don’t have a colour printer)

We were talking during this time, and I couldn’t help but notice that her breath smelt of biscuits.
It got me to wondering: Why are all breath mints…mint?
Why do we want our breath to smell of mint anyway? What’s so good about mint?

Personally, I love the smell of McVitie’s Digestive biscuits, and think it would be lovely if more peoples’ breath smelt of them. Plus it would probably make people hungrier and more likely to buy more of your biscuits, though I would hope you would not use that power for evil.

Obviously it is inconvenient to carry a large packet of biscuits with you everywhere you go though, and there would be a great deal of crumb maintenance, so I wonder if it would be possible for McVitie’s Labs to create a long-lasting portable breath “mint” that enabled you to have that all day taste/smell of biscuits? For overweight people, maybe you could make one that smelt/tasted of something nobody likes, like sprouts, or Turkish Delight.

Good day to you, and if you did feel the need to send me some vouchers to help fund my biscuit addiction (that you have played a part in creating), they would be much appreciated.

Yours hungrily,

Ben Park

I really did sign it like a proper letter too. It looks very official.
And here’s the picture I printed and sent with the letter (for reference purposes):

It’s a real letter. I’ve just posted it…..now.

Edit: 18th December 2009.
Just received this reply from McVitie’s (click to enlarge).