Tag Archives: indian

Outsourcing to India

A few years back, I had a dream. That dream was web design.
Sadly I can hardly put two colours together without them looking hideous, and I have no sense of visible style whatsoever. Combined with my lack of knowing any programming languages, I was on to a bad start.

This is where I roped in my best mate, who was very good at coding, made some nice looking websites in his spare time, etc.
It was a plan which couldn’t fail.
Except that I couldn’t sell any web design, we had no budget to start up, and my mate went to university and had no time to work on this.
It was then, we dropped the idea.

Not a great deal of money was ever spent, but we had bought a web domain name.
I still have it now, wondering if I might have a use for it one day, for some other purpose.

Every now and then, I get an email from a company asking me if they can help with my outsourcing needs. At a guess, I’d say we’re still listed somewhere on a web designer online directory or something.
Today I received an email which said (names changed):


I am Reginald, Marketing Manager. Somebullshitcompany.

I have been through your site and can see that you are offering Web Development services to your clients. In these tough times, where it is hard to maintain the topline, we can help share the bottom line for you.

We have a large team for both Web Design and Development in INDIA which can execute the campaigns at a much lower cost than what you have in house.

Do let me know if you are interested and I would be happy to send in more details.

I look forward to your mail.

Kind Regards”

Normally I delete these things, but I was slightly amazed by this one.
He says he’s been through my website?
Actually taken the time to look through all the pages?
But all it says on my website is “This domain name is for sale. Email for details”, with an email address that is only used for this potential domain sale.

The lying swine! He’s not looked through my website at all.

To add insult to injury, at the bottom of the email was a grammatically poor signature about how they don’t send unsolicited mail.

I decided to break the habit, and reply.

“Hi Reginald,

Thank you for contacting me.
I’m glad you have looked through my website at www.old-unused-domain.co.uk, and have seen all about my organisation, what kind of work I have offered in the past, etc.

As you have been so completely honest with me, I feel I should be honest with you.
I have read through your email carefully, and have seen that you can outsource my sexual needs to India. This would seem like a lot of work on my part, but as I find the ‘look’ of Indian women attractive, this might work to my advantage.

I would be definitely interested in these services (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) and wonder if you could send me some form of catalogue, so that I might look through and pick my favourite to be my wife.

Thanks a lot.


I await their reply eagerly.

Ganges Restaurant, Gloucester Road

Neither me nor my girlfriend could be bothered to cook this evening.
We decided on a takeaway, but as neither of us fancied chips or a Chinese, we settled on an Indian.
This would be fine, but for the fact that I’ve no idea where the nearest Indian to me is. I tried online but although I could find plenty of restaurants, I was struggling to find any with a website and, (more importantly) a menu.

As it wasn’t raining, my big idea was that we’d just wander up Gloucester Road and see what we could find. There’s loads of restaurants, and one of them must be an Indian. Probably also do takeaways, and it would be handy for next time.

We looked at one place that seemed fairly horrible, another place which wasn’t grabbing either of us with the menu outside, and then as we were wandering along, I spotted a tiny doorway sandwiched between two other buildings. Normal height, but not very wide. Just to the right of this was the menu (and there wasn’t enough room – we had to move when somebody wanted to come out), and we decided we’d go inside and see if they did takeaways.

Despite the 10% discount for takeaway customers, once inside, to my surprise my girlfriend said she quite fancied eating in, as she couldn’t really be bothered to wait for it, take it home and get our own plates and cutlery dirty eating it. I’m normally the lazier of the two of us by a long shot.
It did make sense despite only being five minutes from home, so I went for it.

As there was only two of us, we jumped the queue somewhat. The only people in front of us were a group of about eight waiting for a large table, and they squeezed us in between a store room and the stairs. Again, not really enough room so I was in the way most of the night.

We ordered drinks.
My girlfriend says she wants a beer, and they assume that she’s ordering for me, so then ask her what SHE wants.
I distract them and ask for the orange juice that I want.
When the drinks arrive, she gets the orange juice, I get the beer.

Nice looking beer, but the orange juice was the smallest I’ve ever seen. And that includes drinks I’ve bought on flights.

Poppadoms next, and I generally stick to dunking it in the mango chutney, as it always seems to the nicest sauce type stuff available.

Curries and rice next, and despite me ordering a korma because I don’t handle spicy food that well, I’m literally sweating before I’ve finished. I’ve been deliberately not trying to drink any orange juice, but before I’m half way through, I’ve finished it all.
My girlfriend had been to the bathroom and got some tissues, so I used some to wipe my brow, determined as I was not to buy a second drink as it was a surprisingly expensive tiny orange juice, considering hers was an averagely priced pint of lager.
I visit the bathroom myself and wipe my face with the cold water from the sink, as it’s not drinking water available.

Why I didn’t ask for some tap water at the table I’ve no idea. I’ve literally only thought of it now.

The 10% you save on the takeaway food is described as “service” when you eat in. Perfect – everyone is clear what costs what, and you’re not expected to pay an extra “tip”.
This pleases me because I hate tipping. You might not agree with me, and I’ve had the same argument with someone else.

They said it was to reward someone who is good at their badly paid job and serves you well.
I say that they wouldn’t get away with paying them so badly if they weren’t getting wages topped up with tips.
As for someone being good at their job – if they aren’t, they should be trained or fired. If you work in an office and you’re rude to the customers and unhelpful, you wouldn’t get away with it. Why then, would be acceptable elsewhere?

Anyway – the food was nice, the drinks nice (if on the small side for the price), and the service very pleasant.
I will definitely consider eating there again.