A few years back, I had a dream. That dream was web design.
Sadly I can hardly put two colours together without them looking hideous, and I have no sense of visible style whatsoever. Combined with my lack of knowing any programming languages, I was on to a bad start.
This is where I roped in my best mate, who was very good at coding, made some nice looking websites in his spare time, etc.
It was a plan which couldn’t fail.
Except that I couldn’t sell any web design, we had no budget to start up, and my mate went to university and had no time to work on this.
It was then, we dropped the idea.
Not a great deal of money was ever spent, but we had bought a web domain name.
I still have it now, wondering if I might have a use for it one day, for some other purpose.
Every now and then, I get an email from a company asking me if they can help with my outsourcing needs. At a guess, I’d say we’re still listed somewhere on a web designer online directory or something.
Today I received an email which said (names changed):
I am Reginald, Marketing Manager. Somebullshitcompany.
I have been through your site and can see that you are offering Web Development services to your clients. In these tough times, where it is hard to maintain the topline, we can help share the bottom line for you.
We have a large team for both Web Design and Development in INDIA which can execute the campaigns at a much lower cost than what you have in house.
Do let me know if you are interested and I would be happy to send in more details.
I look forward to your mail.
Normally I delete these things, but I was slightly amazed by this one.
He says he’s been through my website?
Actually taken the time to look through all the pages?
But all it says on my website is “This domain name is for sale. Email for details”, with an email address that is only used for this potential domain sale.
The lying swine! He’s not looked through my website at all.
To add insult to injury, at the bottom of the email was a grammatically poor signature about how they don’t send unsolicited mail.
I decided to break the habit, and reply.
Thank you for contacting me.
I’m glad you have looked through my website at www.old-unused-domain.co.uk, and have seen all about my organisation, what kind of work I have offered in the past, etc.
As you have been so completely honest with me, I feel I should be honest with you.
I have read through your email carefully, and have seen that you can outsource my sexual needs to India. This would seem like a lot of work on my part, but as I find the ‘look’ of Indian women attractive, this might work to my advantage.
I would be definitely interested in these services (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) and wonder if you could send me some form of catalogue, so that I might look through and pick my favourite to be my wife.
Thanks a lot.
I await their reply eagerly.